Okay...my friends just left, and guess what?
I got out numbered again... lol
So i guess i have to really look into it.
As i look back at my life, there might have been signs.
Growning up i never had gay or lesbian people around me ( or atleast not that i know of ) , and i never ever had thoughts about other women.
My mother or father never sat me down to have a convo about sex,and i bet they wouldn't bring up the gay and the lesbian part ( i'll explain that later ).
So it was actually a very unknown area to me.
But that of course changed lol.
Let's start with my high school period.
It amazing how many friends i had..mostly girls, but that's a normal thing in high school...right?
It became really intereseting when this girl trasfered from another school to my school.
I thought well , shes new here and she has no friends so let me go talk to her.
We developed a funny relationship ( looking back...it wasn't very normal lol ).
Between classes we would sit outside with another friend of mine ( also a lesbian now lol ).
I wore glasses back then and she would take them , and we would play " teacher and the student " lmao ( crazy! ).
She would be the teacher and i would be the bad student (after-school detention ).
She would take the glasses put them on and usually say something , i don't exactly remember what ( probably something about how bad i had been lol ) and then approach me kinda in a sexual way ( atleast that's how i look at it now ).
Back then it was just fun.
She would also walk by the classroom ( full glass windows ) and grab her tits together to distract me ( i guess lol ).
Thinking about stuff like that, makes me wonder...
Why was i picked to do those things with?
And why was it a normal thing to do?
I don't even wanna start telling you guys how much drama some of my high-school friendships caused.
These girls were really possessive and agressive and very serious when it came to that shit lol.
I would become friends when every new girl and she had to be very careful around my other friends lol.
For some reason i was friends with all the women, though they all had their own click and there was animosity between the clicks.
I will never forget that one moment when i became friends with this sophomore student.
Listen.... i was not the type ( still won't do it ) that wanted to lock arms with girls ,but she didn't really care lol.
She was excited to do so and preferd to do it infront of my friends ( i still don't know why they didn't like her ).
And when she sort of kissed me infront of my best friend, it almost resulted into a fight! ( yes i said kissed me ).
Again:
Why was i picked to do those things?
And why was this a normal thing to do?
As i look back, i think i kinda liked it, cause i sure didn't mind!
I also picked specific girls... the hated girls most of the time lol. ( now why would i wanna do that ? ).
I also let this all happen.. and i know i forgot about enough things that happend back then,but to be able to answer these questions i had to digg up a few things.
I must say that up untill this point i had never linked any of this to a sexual feeling, i just didn't think that way ..yet.
I also remember something really disturbing lol.
When i was about 16 years old i met this woman, and she was the first woman i looked at and seriously thought WOW! , shes pretty ( very innocent ).
I thought that was a normal thing to say about another woman, but i really really got captured by her beauty.
I was extra happy when we would hang out also because she was/is one of the sweetest women i know.
At that age i still didn't like it to anything sexual.
2 years later at the age of 18, it was a diffrent story lol.
This time i met this girl on the internet, and she was a lesbian!!
I know i said i never had bad thoughts about gay people, but i might have thought about them in a very stereotypical way lol.
I kinda thought that most lesbians, well all lesbians were butch looking ...so bad now i know...and now i kinda look like a butch myself lmao! ( so bad ).
But this girl was nothing like i thought a lesbian would look like ( shocking huh )...
HEY! i had never met lesbian people : (
But she was hot!, and i was shocked when she told me that she liked me..and this is where it all began...
I was shocked because i thought...well you're a woman..how can i be with a woman?
That's just weird lol.
This was such a battle, but i finally reached a point where i asked myself: why not be with a woman?
And that's when i think i was becoming a lesbian lol
My parents reacted really shocked!
I never told them myself but i got some help with it...
I felt really pressured , because i wasn''t that sure yet...
I thought about my sad parents and about what the rest of my family might think!
I have a very good relationship with most people in my family,but i was still scared.
So i remember this one night i was hanging out with my cousin and a family friend, and they were having a hard time...
I actually already felt what they wanted ask me..
So finally this friend just asks me : " are you a lesbian ? "
I was quiet for a min and said : " NO! i'm not "
My cousin was like " see i told you she would say no " lmao
So that was the moment when my family found out.
They were like come on Djenna....its obvious...i still need to ask them why it was obvious .
None of them made it an issue. ( love them for that !! )
Years later, im sure.. I am a lesbian and my parents accept it now... ( thankful for that ).
These are some moments i could remember clearly...
So now you tell me...
Did i became a lesbian or was i born a lesbian?
*Bonus Info*
Yes i have been with men, i had crushes on men and i never felt forced to be with men.
This all kinda stopped when i was 18 ( had other things on my mind by then lol )
I still don't think badly about men, i can still confirm when a man is hot or not lol.
Only sexually not needy ( i will never say never ).
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